wow. my goodness its been forever and honestly i forgot about this lil guy till i just saw someone else's. and not that i am getting sucked back in again im just writing now..
i guess it would be retarded to recap the last half year of my life so i won't
but i'll just get to saying, that i am decently happy at this point in time. i am head over heels in love with the people in my life right now. My friends are just unbelieveable and my family is the tits. <3 you mom and dad! yeah! aaand then there's you. and you are a cool guy and i really do love being with you cuz you are weird and goofy and gorgeous and your cologne gets in my hair and i love it. but anyways.. the other you. guy. wtf is your deal~ i really did think it was cute at first in that aww i feel bad sort of sense, but heller theres cute and creepy and you my friend have crossed that line and you can't ever go back..yikes
aaaand and. Cabo in 9 days holla atchya mother i couldn't be more excited.
truly, i am happy to be alive today. and everyday but right now especially.
school is whatever.. it's school. but in addition to that, its senior year so ask me if i care:) really you could, i will tell you.
so that is it for now, maybe forever but either way, it's it.
Mon, May. 30th, 2005, 10:52 pm
I am writing to you because she said you listen and understand and didn’t try to sleep with that person at that party even though you could have. please don’t try to figure out who she is because then you might figure out who I am, and I really don’t want you to do that. I will call people by different names or generic names because I don’t want you to find me. I didn’t enclose a return address for the same reason. I mean nothing bad by this. honest.
I just need to know that someone out there listens and understands and doesn’t try to sleep with people even if they could have. I need to know that these people exist.
I think you of all people would understand that because I think you of all people are alive and appreciate what that means. at least I hope you do because other people look to you for strength and friendship and its that simple. at least that’s what I’ve heard.
so, this is my life. and I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I’m still trying to figure out how that could be.”
I. Bold those that relate to you.
II. Add three true things about yourself.
01. When I was younger I made some bad decisions ..although i still am young and still do make bad decisions
02. I don't watch much TV these days
03. I love psychadelic mushrooms
04. I love sleeping
05. I have loads of books not that i know how to read
06. I once slept in a toilet
07. I love playing video games
08. I did like marijuana do like?
09. I watch porn movies
10. I watch them with my father
11. I like sharks
12. I love spiders
13. I was born without hair and I still have no hair .ahahah
14. I like G. Bush
15. People are cool.
16. I have changed a lot mentally over the last year
17. I have a lot to learn
19. I carry my knife everywhere with myself kir? is that you?
20. I'm really really smart
21. I've never broken someone's bones
22. I have a secret
23. I hate snow
24. I drink only milk
25. I drink too much water
26. I hate microsoft
27. I love Chinese food
28. I would hate to be famous
29. I am not a morning person
30. I wear glasses/contacts i should but usually i wont
31. I don't need glasses, except sunglasses
32. I have potential
33. I'm pure Japanese yeahh jk.
34. My legs are two different sizes
35. I have a twin
36. I'm wearing a padded bra
37. I can ramble on about absolutely nothing
38. I'm left-handed
39. I hate llamas, but I'm one of them
40. I don't like horror movies
41. I suck at climbing, but I love it anyway
42. People hate me usually.
43. I love pop music
44. I hardly ever go to bed before midnight in the summer at least
45. I hate parking fines
46. I know the national anthem of my country by heart
47. I know more than two languages, but I'm not fluent at them
48. I spend too much time on the computer
49. I often want to throw out the computer in a window
50. I live on a ground floor
51. I don't like chocolate
52. I'd like to be more original
53. I've lied
54. Cocks are my favorite birds
55. I want to conquer the world
56. I wonder what happens when you die
57. I've read all books about Harry Potter
58. Eat your dog!
59. I love to exercise.
60. I hate chemistry with a passion
61. I love to write
62. I like changes
63. I hate going to class
64. I am afraid to die
65. I hate dish washing
66. My hair is long, brown, and incredibly curly
67. My nails are nine inches long
68. My favorite color is black
69. I like to sleep on the floor
70. I am hopeless at cooking
71. I sucked my thumb when I was little.
72. I should be doing something else rather than writing this
73. I am online a lot, but not in MSN
74. I hate the government
75. I don't have a girlfriend/boyfriend
76. I'm too nice for my own good.
77. I love to read, I read as much as I can.
78. I don't trust newspapers
79. I like debating
80. I live in a vagon ..whats a vagon
81. I clean my room once a month
82. I'm scared of american fast food
83. I have a third eye
84. I love Mozambique
85. I don't trust any religion.
86. I used to play with barbies because all the other girls were doing it no i used to do it cuz barbies are teh shit
87. I wanted to be a super hero when I was little.
88. I like listening to wind chimes sometimes... others I want to kill them
89. I'm very disorganized
90. My hair is long and straight
91. I earn a lot
92. I don't like spicy food
93. I keep a journal
94. I can't do cartwheels
95. I am very lazy sometimes...
96. I'm sarcastic sometimes
97. I think my hair is annoying but most people love it
98. I'm pretty sensitive
99. I love being "ab-normal"
100. My left eye is violet and my right eye is a light blue.
101. I wear two different Chuck Taylors
102. I play a/an instruments(s)
103. I go to local shows
104. I go on the roof to watch the stars at times
105. I turn off all my lights, and my TV, and my stereo, just to listen to the crickets during the summertime sometimes i'm gay
106. I believe there's nothing to lose until you gain
107. I'm in love with someone who may or may not still feel the same
108. I know a murderer
109. I cry myself to sleep regularly
110. I hang with the 'wrong crowd'
111. I dance frequently and quite well
112. I'm most likely to rob banks when I get older
113. most of the people at my school annoy the hell out of me
114. I love photography
115. i hate the rain
116. my parents suck love you guys<3, yeah i am gay so shutup
117. I think most everything is beautiful,
118. I wish I was more than what I am.
119. I can manipulate the universe.
120. I'm scared about applying to college
121. I'm obsessed with a celebrity
122. I inspect each grape before I eat it, and some don't make the cut and I throw them away.
123. I think homosexuals should have the right to get married if they wish.
124. My eyes are blue
125. I think Mean Girls was an excellent movie you go glen coco!
126. I cried during The Notebook many times
127. I like to listen to music in languages I don't understand
128. I love designing layouts for webpages
129. I hate when people come to me with problems 'cuz I never know the right thing to say.
130. I can't stand the way people treat each other
131. I usually get out of whatever trouble I get into
132. I drink fresca like its my job
hey im turning 17 on friday. want a ride? im legal!
oh yeah i was just kidding i prob wont just give you a ride unless we're like friends or something ok bye<3
all-right. time for an update since its been like a decade since my last one
today was so beautiful out.. its been really nice lately and thats really nice. i love waking up and its sunny and you throw on a skirt for school cuz its warm enough. its weather no one can really complain about. like sitting outside today at work talking about whatever was just really pleasant because of the nice breeze and everyone just seemed to be in a good mood.
getting pretty sick of school and everything around it, no i dont want to go to any meetings where i have to spend more time at school..
and just by the way its like 730 and its still light out.
ring dance was pretty sweet, j im glad you took me i had a lot of fun with you:)
also im glad im not playing lax. i definately thought i wanted to i was all into the idea of it.. but as it got closer and i had to committ to it.. well hey id rather just not committ becuase it hink it would be a waste of time for me. as much as i do complain i really dont like to so i figure that if thats what i was going to be doing all season, it wasnt worth it.
and to waste some more time i think ill recap reasons to be glad:
1. the weather is b-eautiful
2. its april, my bday's this month, thats really awesome
3. april vaca is 7 school days away?
4. today we had a 1030 start
5. i'm completely in love with the most amazing guy
6. i finally moved back into my room after 10 months
8. tonight at work i had gray
9. boys lax
10. i think i finally got you out of my system..? welll see
k there you go you slutts, thats my update
Sun, Mar. 13th, 2005, 11:34 pm
maybe if we are surrounded in beauty
Someday we will become what we see
I'd rather see the world from another angle
havent felt like updating iguess..i heart being harassed to update. seriously tho. dont expect it to make me update faster. k?thx:)
ummmmmmm idk not alot to say been pretty busy i guess with play rehersal and complaing about play rehersal.. its pretty lame but its fun just goofing around with u guys there.
wow this year is like flying byyy, at the same time its going way to slow so speed up. um yeah monday is valentines dayy :) for whatever reason valentines day is my favorite holiday. somehting about commerical love, teddy bears, and conversation hearts just drive me wild.
its so irritating the way society collectively finds a way to complain about everything. if something is truely bothersome to you, dont expose yourself to it. no matter what is out there people somewhere are gonna disagree with it. so its upsetting that people complain about stuff until its elimated and yeah idk its gay. if you really hate a bands dvd because it promotes violence dont freaking buy it. dont let ur kids buy it just shut the hell up about it.
anyways, you.. are pretty cool. whatever this turns out to be whether its somehting or nothing i think you are just a really great guy and im glad im friends with you. its such a breath of fresh air and i like it.
You are calm and reposed, let your beauty unfold
pale white like the skin stretched over your bones
spring keeps you ever close
you are second hand smoke.....
you are the smell before rain
you are the blood in my veins
looking forward to lots of stuff coming uppppp... florida next week:), vacation.. spring, lax, ring dance:), prom!!.. sweet life.
basically i am sick of the way everyone is. i am sick of the way i am. how can we call each other friends when we all talk so much shit about each other behind our backs. you can go from talking about what a bitch so and so is, then pick up a call from them and act like nothing is wrong. how is this acceptable.. we all do it and its disgusting and i am so fed up with it. no one appears to have an issue with this but im sure we all do..
i cant believe i call myself a good friend to people that i just bash on all the time, and i rationalize with myself that its ok because people talk about me too. what a gross relationship. we cant sit in a group together without bashing on some one. even when we try really hard, we just cant. my mom talks about what a bad code of ethics i have and moral fiber and all that.. but its different now then it was when she grew up. i guess i dont know for sure that the girls she was friends with didn't act like this but i just feel like they didnt. it just makes me feel so bad and guilty that i let these people call me their friend. it never used to bother me, its really building up.
zak, my best friend. i duno where id be without you. haha you = me in soo many ways its to awesome to have someone like you thats justttt like me. i know i can im you at 1 in the morning and complain to you about the mass amounts of hw i just discovered i had and you can be shocked right along with me as you figure out that you in fact have the same 6 page paper due tomorrow on the same book we both didnt read. my partner in laziness and over quotingness. prom is gonna be a blast with you i cant wait. idk why i felt the need to spill my zak loving guts on my lj.. but i did. you are such a good break from the craziness and drama of all the girls..and i love you so much:)
:) i love when i cant stop smiling
one good thing about music, is when it hits, you feel no pain<3brutalize me with music.
getting hypnotized is a trip.
so talking today about this was so weird. just as a side not im not interested in you telling me that we still have a long way to go before all of this, because honestly we dont. next year thats it for all of us, i wanna go all out i'm gonna do everything in school like trips and stuff cuz its the last chance im gonna get. this is our special summer before senior year where we have all of this to look forward and we all can drive and work at summer camp or wherever.. it was so sad talking about how we all wont be together on your 18th bday.
how is it possible that i can leave all of you guys. i cant do anything on my own. i'm not gonna be able to leave this place. as much as i hate it and i hate school and i want to burn it down its gonna be so hard to leave.
but, anyways.. smiles. maybe going tubing this weekend thats pretty cool i like doing stuff in the snow. and i decided its good to try new things.
im still not pulled together from seeing that at lunch today. just so i dont let you down.. :)
took this cool thing from kyle.. haha lizzie my roomate! word, jackie<3 my lover and the shower creep..
anyways, so i managed to survive the first week back to school.. by actually only attending school for 2 days out of the week. soo oh well thats cool. i love not going to school and i love waking up at 230. also i really like snow days but today i got really excited for summer because i started writing my letter to work at babson day camp again this year. well i guess i didnt actually start the letter but i did think about it. i love that job.
k so vacation.. was ok? it was last week and nothing in my mind is standing out at this point to really talk about so everything must have been fine. new years eve which we all thought would be this huge problem for a month turned out fine. it was fun.. and weird.. and thats all about that.
i was talking to someone about this i forget who but i was thinking about what makes a person change like you did. you are just the opposite of what you used to be.. and i wanted to try to get everything back to normal but every time i do that it becomes more clear that you just arent the same. not that i care if ur not that same.. but its more that what youve become is something i dont want a part of..... yeah
new years resolutions are pretty pointless to me.. whoever decided that at the start of the new year you should make up your mind to completely make yourself over is retarded. by the way no one keeps them. by the way who's to say you cant make up your mind to do certain things in july? congratulations its january 1st so what do you want to do to make yourself better? its cool for yourself if you are into that but its not my thing. although, as hypocritical as it is, i did make a new years resolution to fanta. cuz i wanta and never have. thats not supposed to be a joke its real.
put an x next to the ones that are true.
[x] stolen something?
[x] lied to your lover?
[x] lied to your friends?
[x] kissed the same sex?
[ ] cheated on your lover?
[x] been in a fist fight?
[x] had a crush online?
[x] did anything sexual in public?
[x] gotten drunk?
[x] smoked pot?
[x] bought an illegal drug?
[ ] got it up the butt?
[ ] been in love?
[x] made yourself throw up on purpose?
[x] had someone tell you they like you and not show it?
[ ] have someone tell you they love you and prove themself wrong?
[x] backstabbed a friend?
[x] had a friend backstab you?
[x] liked someone just for looks?
[x] liked someone just for personality?
[x] jumped and screamed through a scary movie?
[ ] pee'd on yourself?
[x] been in the principal's office?
[x] laughed so hard you pissed yourself?
[x] thrown up in front of people?
[ ] threw up on someone?
[x] spilled a drink at a restaurant?
[ ] downloaded porn?
[ ] looked through a porn magazine?
[x] read sex tips in fashion magazines?
[ ] shot up heroin?
[ ] snorted coke?
[x] taken pills?
[x] regreted something?
[x] liked someone who wasn't single?
[x] kissed someone who wasn't single?
[x] liked your friend's mate?
[x] been to a psychologist?
[x] been to a dermatologist?
[x] had a blood test?
[x] had an infection?
[x] had the flu?
[x] broken a bone?
[x] sprained a muscle
[x] lied to your parents?
[x] snuck out at night?
[x] snuck someone in at night?
[ ] got caught?
[x] been to a concert?
[ ] been to a club underage?
[x] been obsessed with someone?
[ ] had someone become obsessed over you?
[x] questioned your faith?
[ ] ever had an orgy?
[x] ever cut yourself?
[x] cried alone?
[x] cried on someone's shoulders?
[x] tried commiting suicide?
[x] thought about commiting suicide?
[ ] burned yourself purposly?
[x] been to a church?
[x] said a prayer?
[x] been angry at God?
[x] felt depressed?
[x] felt used?
[x] been out of state?
[ ] to Europe?
[x] out of the country?
[x] been to an island?
[ ] been beaten by your parents?
[x] had someone very close to you die?
[x] had someone you know die?
[ ] got hit with a bottle over the head?
[x] been taken advantage of in any way when you were drunk?
[ ] had your boyfriend/girlfriend yell and or embaress you in public?
[x] been slapped by the oposite sex?
[x] been punched by the oposite sex?
[x] hit the oposite sex?
[ ] killed someone?
[ ] ever eaten pumpkin pie?
[x] celebrated halloween?
[x] not celebrated halloween?
[x] had your heart broken?
[ ] had someone from the oposite sex become infatuated with you?
[ ] been fisted?
[ ] had a surprise party?
[ ] got a birthday gift from a boyfriend/girlfriend?
[x] got a birthday gift from a friend?
[x] talked about sex with the opposite sex?
[x] talked about sex with the same sex?
[x] believe in pre marital sex?
[ ] do not- believe in pre marital sex?
[x] want to get married?
[x] want to have kids?
[x] want to get drunk right now?
[xxxx] want to smoke pot right now?
[x] want to get wasted right now?
[x] wanted to model?
[x] wanted to be a lawyer?
[x] wanted to be a doctor?
[x] wanted to be an actress?
[ ] wanted to be a business owner?
[x] wanted to be a photographer?
[ ] had a craving for sushi?
[x] had a craving for chocolate?
[ ] starved yourself?
[x] stopped eating, unintentionally?
[ ] ate a worm?
[x] swallowed a fly?
[x] held hands with your friend of the same sex in public?
[x] held hands with a friend in general?
[x] lead someone on, purposely?
[x] been lead on?
[x] used someone?
[x] truly hated someone?
[x] disliked someone?
[x] been a hypocrite to someone?
[x] been friends with hypocrites?